She's 17. I'm 42 and she's 17. I'm older than her father, can you believe that? I'm dating a girl, wherein, I can beat up her father.

No 76 - Manhattan

Director - Woody Allen

The thing that I like about Woody Allen is that, as unlikely as it sounds, he is a massive ladies man. I kind of like that, because he really doesn't look or act like he should be.

And so, a certain part of me assumes that his films are a form of wish fulfilment, that he can use them to cast beautiful women around him. But no, this happened in real life too. Yet he seems such an unappealing prospect - in this film maybe even more than others.

Woody Allen is famed for being whiny and neurotic, it is his shtick. However, his character Isaac is REALLY whiny and neurotic, even more so than usual. Or maybe it is the fact that Manhattan is a little bit more serious in tone than some of the other Allen films on the list. Therefore, his neuroses aren't countered by the oddness of the humour and subsequently come out into the foreground.

The film follows Isaac, who has recently gone through some awkward divorces and is now dating a 17 year old called Tracy. The two have a seemingly healthy relationship (besides the mahoosive age gap) which involves meandering around the place and eating Chinese food out of those little boxes that we don't get in the UK.

However, the relationship with Tracy is all part of his existential dilemma. He doesn't like his job, he is uncomfortable in his love life. He needs direction. He seemingly finds it in Mary and the two have a little relationship together. The relationship is littered with some wonderful iconic shots of New York - the real star of the film.

The wonderful shots of New York are made even more magical by the choice to film it in black and white, it makes it feel timeless and a bit ethereal, which is nice because I really felt nothing for the characters.

I've already noted that Isaac's neuroses outweigh his over perks, but Mary feels equally unlikable. She lacks the charm of Annie Hall and instead seems a bit pretentious and pseudo-intellectual. A bit like every conversation with her would be a game of one-up-man-ship in which she would have to remind you - multiple times - that she is very beautiful.

It took me about 30 minutes to realise what it takes Isaac the entire film to realise. He would be better with Tracy. Regardless of age. She is the only character in the film that comes off as likable and sound. She is the only character who makes Isaac less whiny - and that can only be a good thing.

One last thing..... Check out young Wallace Shawn! AMAZING!

The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses

No 301 - Love and Death
Director - Woody Allen

I humbly apologise - I saw the this film (and indeed Clockwork Orange) ages ago and haven't had the time to write up my blogs. A few days have passed so these may be briefer and far more rambly blogs (as the film isn't completely fresh in my mind - I've watched an entire series of Glee)

I don't know much about Woody Allen's back canon of work, although I feel I have been saying that about a lot of directors, maybe I'm not as much of a geek as I thought I was. I did know that his work was about the neurotic New York schtick in the city of New York. I did not expect a period piece about the Russians planning to assassinate Napoleon. And yet, throughout this Allen plays the same role, the neurotic, Jewish, New Yorker and somehow it works. In fact, throughout the period drama, Allen litters it with 70's Americana such as the Jive Talking Black Cliche Drill Sergent in the Russian Army. The deliberate anachronisms have been used in other period films, and when handled well it works as a funny aside or irreverent aside, however it could shatter the world of the film. Here they are handled exceedingly well and it is just part of Allen's weird little period world he has built.

It is not just the world that is a bit strange, the whole film borders on the absurd. Especially the levels of comedy which flit throughout.
The scenes of war are shown either as a scary place full of explosions or as an opportunity for Allen to try out some slapstick humour. See him be shot out of cannons as he tries to hide, see his farcical assassination attempts. It is almost reminiscent of the stunts and acts that the classic silent comedians would try.
Yet here it is effortlessly mixed with wordy discussions on morality (Judgment of any system, or a priori relationship or phenomenon exists in an irrational, or metaphysical, or at least epistemological contradiction to an abstract empirical concept such as being, or to be, or to occur in the thing itself, or of the thing itself. ) which are ridiculous in both their sincerity and the fact that they seem to emerge from nowhere, and highbrow film pastiches (I spotted several Battleship Potemkin references and the end sequence where Woody dances with death in a tiny procession directly mimics the Seventh Seal - I wouldn't be surprised to learn there are more).

However, the real comedy, just comes from Woody Allen's delivery and from his nervous rambling monologues and voice overs. The film itself is a treat. It is wonderful to listen to Allen's story telling, and the bizarre way he manages to seduce incredibly pretty ladies (here both Diane Keaton (Allen's most famous muse, I believe) and Olga Georges-Picot) - I imagine it is through his excellent anecdotal skills.
The story may be bonkers, the setting may be unbelievable and the characters my weird sex obsessed caricatures but Woody Allen's story telling just makes it a lovely thing to watch.

And it is made all the better by ending with a cameo from none other than Jessica Harper - My favourite 70's actress.

You're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean you're like New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself

No 68 - Annie Hall
Director - Woody Allen

I woke up this morning, the day after valentines and I wandered downstairs only to find someone had entered my house since I'd fallen asleep at 1:30, and was subsequently asleep on my sofa.
So, rather than roll things up into giant balls I thought I would take my tea upstairs and go back to bed. So I did. And I thought I would watch the birth, life and death of (and finally recovery from) a relationship. A suitable choice for this valentines weekend.

I have never really watched any Woody Allen films, but knew a little bit what to expect: neuroses, therapy and lots of girls with women. And yes, it is all there. But this film is brilliant. It is not just a simple love story - it is an intelligent and topsy turvy film that uses dozens of cinematic tricks and quirks in order to make the story come to life.

The film begins with Allen's character, Alvy Singer, speaking directly to the camera and essentially delivering a stand up comedy routine. This happens a lot in the film which is (in the crudest most basic of descriptions) a series of scenes joined together with nervous little monologues. In the film Alvy is discussing his life and how it influenced and affected his relationship with Diane Keaton's Annie Hall. So the film is a collection of flashbacks, his childhood, past relationships, plus the actual relationship between him and Annie Hall. What makes it interesting is that Alvy 'The Narrator' is always present and often interacts with his flashback.

It is first seen when he discusses that even at an early age he was interested in women and sexuality. 6 year old Alvy is brought out to the front of the class to be punished, whilst adult Alvy defends his case from the seat in class. What makes this scene even stranger is that the children speak with adult tones (not literally - as in freaky over dubbing, but that what they're saying is very adult) discussing Freudian development and latency periods in child development. It is very strange.

But the strangeness continues through beautifully clever thoughts and moments. As Alvy and Annie have sex, a shimmering ghost like Annie is visible sat in a chair next to the bed. This is her mind, wandering. Alvy starts to argue that whilst sex is a physical thing he'd quite like her to be thinking about him as well. Woody Allen is a deeply unsexy man (physically) but this film (and indeed Allen's life) shows how useful confidence and wit are. Because Allen's confidence with women means he is able to portray an inner sexiness (I suppose) which has attracted many beautiful ladies to his side.

The film feels like a long (and funny) therapy session. Woody Allen is clearly playing a fictionalised version of himself (although he has never denied that very fact). Alvy singer is a neurotic Jewish stand up comedian. If you compair the jokes made in Allen's stand up with Alvy Singer's stand up you'll see the same character but just with different names.

Luckily the film is not just about Woody Allen's hang ups and neuroses. That would be too self indulgent even for me! the film uses the same tricks in order to portray the rise and fall of a relationship. Simple moments from when Singer and Hall visit flashbacks of their past relationships and offer commentaries on their old partners. Or the first time that they meet, and the slightly awkward social small talk also comes with subtitles explaining what is running through their minds as they speak (Annie being worried about looking like an idiot, Alvy lusting after her). The touches are always very subtle but add a sense of reality to the characters and to the proceedings. Which is odd, because the touches are usually somewhat postmodern and out of the ordinary.

When the couple are happy, it really is lovely to see. It is just the decline where you start to see what an infuriatingly high maintenance partner Singer really is. Little moments of genuine niceness and beauty. Such as when the couple buy lobster only for them to escape. I especially like this scene for the cracking line:
"We should have just got steaks because they don't have legs. They don't run around."
The awkward chasing and picking up of lobsters is part of the small amount of physical comedy in the film. The most famous moment of physical comedy probably being the cocaine scene.

Ooooh and look out for Christopher Walken as Annie's brother. Showing that he has always been able to do the mildly psychotic show stealing cameo.

However, it is the writing and the characterisation which makes this film special. Whilst Alvy Singer may just be Woody Allen, Annie Hall is a beautiful character. Especially when you first meet her. All nervous sidling, and beaming smiles and awkward moments. She is very endearing. Woody Allen is an excellent writer and that translates to brilliant dialogue. This is a film with dozens of many quoted lines ("Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.") but also surreally funny moments. My personal favourite being Alvy's parents arguing over the firing of their cleaner. Alvy's mum saying she had to fire the cleaner because she stole. Alvy's father delivering the amazing defence of "Of course she steals from us. She is coloured. She lives in Harlem. She has a right to steal from us"

However Allen also writes wonderfully concisely and wonderfully romantically. So I wish to leave you with this final analogy. Which is said after Alvy and Annie have broken up, but finally meet up again.
"It was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs."